Conversations On Being Kind From Your Heart

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There is such simplicity in saying be kind, and at the same time, deep down in my heart, there are days where I feel as if I wasn’t as kind as I could be, or that I could have done something this or that way. Perhaps that’s just the empathetic side of me that feels this way. Last year I wrote a post about speaking from the heart because I find that it doesn’t happen the way it used to. There is an effect that technology has where we have the ability to talk online, which may cause us to be less emotional. When we talk in person, being raw is sometimes perceived as a weakness when it shouldn’t be.

Kindness is not those who do it to gain something, those who do it for attention or those who want to be perceived a certain way. True kindness is one that could be completely invisible to the eye but felt by others. It’s important to note that true kindness is ultimately loving yourself. It’s funny how sometimes we’re much kinder and far less judgmental towards others, but when it comes to ourselves, we can sometimes be harsh critics. It makes me think to when I had depression quite badly, there were thoughts that were so terrible and awful, that I’d never say to anyone else, but I said it to myself.

Being kind from your heart means seeing a person for their character and actions, rather than appearances. It means seeing a person on the street with a sad face, and picturing giving them a big warm hug (does anyone else do this as well!). Taking the time to listen to a friend and be there for them. Sometimes kindness is being very honest, which can make us feel unkind. However, it’s far better to be honest to a close one if you think they’re doing something wrong. It means you care for them and want the best for them. Kindness from your heart could be spending the time to cook a meal for a loved one.

It’s the ability to be tolerant and understanding, without judgment towards someone. It’s the time taken to help someone, not for any rewards, but simply because it gives a sense of connection. Helping and having compassion is something that encourages others and ourselves to do more of.  It’s the ability to truly understand that every person is different and that we can’t change people. Sometimes it means knowing when to say yes and no. This one is important. Honesty has a strong tie with kindness because the truth will always reveal itself.

Actions speak louder than words. Think of Pride & Prejudice, and the way Elizabeth felt Darcy was incredibly arrogant and full of pride when really he was simply shy and reserved with his words. However, his actions showed that he was loving, caring and kind. We are all capable of spreading a light in our lives. You know that feeling of catching a smile from the distance, and feeling positive energy run through your body. No one can be happy all the time, but when we’re kind to other’s, we can spread that light and form a silent connection. Kindness is an invisible way of healing and gives a feeling of warmth and love.

Photography by Milton H. Greene 

What Is In Your Heart Will Eventually Show

b0cf090eb3590b5ff3fbad58be448df6.jpgThe moments we show our true colours is when the layers are peeled back. No one, not anybody, can be truly defined by their job, their appearances, how much money they earn, what education they have, what car they have, what clothes they wear, what house they live in, how many friends they have or what photos they’ve taken. External definitions do not bring long term happiness. The true happiness that we feel are the moments we act with kindness and love, lend a helping hand or spend time with loved ones. It’s the kind that we feel in our heart. I recently listened to a video here, where he reminds us to be a selfless and loving person even in the heat of the moment.

We may have times where we’ve compared with someone else, and automatically it can bring ourselves down. No one can be happy by comparing themselves or pretending to be someone else. The video mentions about taking off the mask. This is something that really spoke to me because I believe so deeply in being true to yourself. At the same time, as an INFJ, I tend to be very private and not show many people the true me completely. As much as I value being oneself, there is that slight contradiction where I do strive to be myself, but at the same time, not everyone will see me for me at a glance. But perhaps only over time, if not years!

As much as I love writing about fashion, art, film and books, the one thing I feel most important to write about are topics like this. They are messages we need a reminder of. The way we value life shouldn’t be of materials or from the way things look. Everyone is capable of kindness and improving themselves. The kindness that’s important, is doing things even when not a soul will see it. We often judge things from the way they look. People may judge a person the way we judge a painting or a book cover at a glance. Things are most often not what they seem to appear. Imagine the way the water looks on the surface, with its dark blue peaceful ripples, and picture a beautiful magical ancient ruin beneath. There’s a story hidden inside that we don’t see at first.

The title reads What Is In Your Heart Will Eventually Show from how much beauty, we may or may not see in someone the more we become closer. What is in our heart shows through our actions. When people start to open up to each other, there’s a part of them that’s unlocked. Their personality and a certain rawness start showing more and more. A beautiful person is seen from their heart, where over time it opens like a sleeping rose. In 1 Peter 3-4 reads: Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 

Art by Jiwoon Pak

The Power Of True Kindness

Cinderella-There are 3 ways to ultimate success: The first way is to be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind.” Fred Rogers. 

Our society focuses more on the bad rather than the good. We hear bad news more so in the media. We hear gossip, deaths and crises around the world, but we hear less about acts of kindness, love and comfort. The digital world often feeds off others fears and weaknesses in order to make money. However, even in everyday life, many of us often focus on more of the negative. Bad memories tend to stick more in our minds. Many of us may choose to leave them behind, or other’s may have something that triggers them. It’s a gentle reminder that there is good news everyday that can turn our frown into a smile.

True kindness has no expectations. There is a huge difference between kindness for the sake of it or kindness from the heart. Someone can act kind, but not truly mean it. They may expect something from it or want to be treated a certain way. True Kindness is honest, compassionate and forgiving. It does not judge but wants to love. It is treating others how you would want to be treated. Human kindness can often be very superficial. You can feel the difference, just as most of us may be able to recognise a fake laugh and a real one.

Kindness is loving yourself first and foremost, before anyone else. In order to treat others with love we must first accept ourselves. Especially in this generation, many of us only care for the way things look, rather than how they are. But, a lot of the kindness that happens each day may very well be the ones we don’t see. Because in the end true kindness is not an act for recognition.

It could be someone who you know may never be able to repay you, it could be helping someone even when they didn’t ask or praying for someone, even though they don’t know you. True kindness shows the true face of someone. It shows their heart. It’s the ones who doesn’t leave others out, doesn’t hold any judgment and genuinely cares for others. In kindness, actions speak louder than words. It creates a ripple effect and an energy of positivity.

I previously talked how many people take advantage of people who are kind here. As an introvert, there are also myths about introverts being rude, because of not participating in something or turning down a social event. Introverts show kindness in a quiet way (from my experience). Remember to surround yourselves with people who will love you the same and treat you the same without expecting anything in return.

Daily Thoughts:When We Feel Very Deeply

14c471f5ab5eed3842dfd1428989e25aThere are days where I ask myself, if this was the last day I could ever have, is there anything I would of changed? Each day we live can be filled with the good or the bad. Maybe I shouldn’t of said that, maybe I should of done, maybe I will do that next time. Everyday we grow, we learn and we change. Everyone experiences downtime and wonderful days. It’s what makes us human. As someone who thinks very deeply, I can be somewhat of an over analyser and sensitive to my surroundings.

Our society places such a huge stigma on mental illnesses and emotions. As someone who has seen my loved ones and those close to me go through a mental illness, it breaks my heart that this world can often be so very insensitive, unkind and ignorant of this. The saddest part according to mindhealthconnect.org.au is that Mental illness can attract stigma and discrimination, which can be one of the biggest problems for someone with these disorders. About ten percent of people with mental illness eventually die by suicide, as compared with one percent of the general population. What ever it may be – anorexia, depression, anxiety, bulimia – qld.gov.au says Part of the reason for negative attitudes and behaviour towards people with mental illness is a lack of knowledge and a fear of the unknown. However, it is also something very common, that a significant amount of people will experience in their lifetime.

People deserve help, support, care and love. No one should be pre-judged for having something that we cannot fully understand. Raising the level of sensitivity is important. It’s no surprise (to myself that is) that I spend a huge majority of time alone. As an introvert, I appreciate the time I can spend to think deeply, creatively and freely without any disturbances. I love the peace and quiet when reading, watching a movie or eating a meal. As I mentioned the stigma in mental illnesses, I also believe there is a stigma placed in showing any signs of deeper emotion. Most of us show the everyday “How are you” face. The one where we seem fine even if we aren’t. We don’t want to bother others with anything that may seem negative, and most of us want to be accepted or seen as a happy person.

In the adult world of emotions, it’s a different story. When we were a young child running around in the yard or jumping on the trampoline, if we fell over, our parents would be there to comfort us if we cried. In that moment we were in pain but we forget it quickly. As we grow older there are different ways we fall emotionally or we may face failure that we cope in different ways to when we were a child. We make decisions based on our self belief. Even if something upsets us, most adults will consider a strategy to solve something or a goal to achieve. In psychcentral.com Deep Feelers also tend to be imaginative and sensitive, which colors the storylines they create…Deep Feelers also might be highly sensitive people. Highly sensitive people are especially susceptible to physical and emotional stimuli.

The things I find that occurs if you are a highly sensitive person, is the need to cry out your emotion. Bottling it up can cause a panic attack in situations you will least want to be in. When alone, it’s relieving to let out the pain. I don’t know if you are the same too (HSP), but the creative arts is where I feel at home with. I have to listen to music for a few hours, read several articles, write words or watch a touching movie. HSP are also highly likely to be empathetic and understanding of what other’s are going through. The one that I have mentioned previously, is HSP are deep thinkers. Their minds are highly active, but the words spoken are often limited and chosen carefully. The think before you speak is very true. The need to help is also part of the characteristics of someone who is highly sensitive.

“I write because there are things in me that cannot die.”
― Sanober Khan

Why Being Nice Is Not Always So Nice

snowhite.pngI believe in kindness. That is, I believe the only way to live an enriched life filled with gratitude, faith and love is to fill it with kindness. There can only be benefits in living with kindness, but then again (as I write this article) there have been moments where I felt hurt by others who do not return kindness. Being kind is to be humble, modest and honest. Nice, however is something different in it’s entirety. The recipe for kindness needs a balance with being nice and assertive. Unfortunately, there are many people who are mean, and will take advantage of people who are nice. Kindness is never ever wrong.

1) People take advantage of you. This one I cannot stress enough. As I grow older, I notice the signs almost immediately and learn to distant myself from the person. Be aware of people who only talk to you to benefit themselves. Sadly, when I was younger or at University, I had been taken advantage countless times for helping others. Whether it was with their homework, where in the end they simply want all the answers. Or, often people will ask you for favours, constantly when they think you won’t say no. The thing is nice people – well – we do say no when we want to, but most of the time we are just so willing to help without expecting the favour to be returned.

2) It can be hard to make friends. This is sort of a personal one. I find it harder to trust people quickly when I make friends. Whether it is having the feeling that someone may take advantage of you, ask for a lot or expect you to always be nice. The truth is there will always be manipulative people in the world. People who are unkind, mean, judgmental and unhappy. They want to bring your positive vibe down, where as all they need is an uplift. If you ever find a hidden gem that is genuine, kind and cares for you – they’re a keeper!

3)Being called weak and innocent. It’s funny how much this is also compared with being shy, introverted or quiet. Kindness is actually a strength. People who take advantage of kind people, is because they may feel insecure. When someone agrees to help, they feel as if they have won, they feel more powerful. However, most of the time kind people are so willing to help, they look at the more important things, which is to lift a person up. Not to benefit themselves. Innocence – well that may come from the fact that we don’t talk about terrible or negative things a lot. If I were to tell you all the things I have been through in my life, then your perspective of me would be different – naturally.

4) Acting different around you. Being kind can either make some people wonder “Why did they do this or that?” or they feel as if they need to be more polite around you. Ah – I so wish that that wouldn’t be the case. Random acts of kindness are there to be a spark of happiness and bring a smile to others. There is nothing expected in return. In many cases, I find many people talk differently to me. It’s a very different side that feels more real, but as soon as they talk to others, it is back to this conforming way of speaking. I really wish it wouldn’t be like that.

5) Not everyone is empathetic. Being a kind person, can often mean you understand people’s emotion in a way that unkind people cannot. If someone cries, if someone rages, if someone does something out of the ordinary, you take it out of the box, and think what they could be going through. A lot of the time in society we can be very surfaced level, instantaneously judgmental or make quick assumptions. Remember there is much more that meets to the eyes. Often, there is a lot more that goes behind the scenes to what we can fully understand.

The thing is being kind makes me feel happy, and as I’m sure makes many people happy. No matter where you walk there will always be people who are negative, mean, having a terrible day, use others for their own advantage and the list goes on. The main thing is to stay true to yourself. Don’t surround yourselves with people like that, and spread kindness. It’s contagious! Being hurt can often give us the biggest lessons of all. Wisdom and Understanding.

“One who is kind is sympathetic and gentle with others. He is considerate of others’ feelings and courteous in his behavior. He has a helpful nature. Kindness pardons others’ weaknesses and faults. Kindness is extended to all — to the aged and the young, to animals, to those low of station as well as the high.” -Ezra Taft Benson

Kindness from the heart: Audrey Hepburn

Audrey-Hepburn-audrey-hepburn-21766655-1300-634.jpgYou may know Audrey Hepburn as a fashion icon, classic actress or from the iconic scene in Breakfast at Tiffany’s when she appears in a Givenchy black dress. However, her natural beauty, grace and elegance comes through much more from the kindness she has given in the world. It is a reminder that a woman is not a layer of skin and not just a pretty face, especially in such a visual world. Underneath there are many layers of history, actions and meaning to make a difference in the world that Audrey made and I felt inspired to write about it here.audrey_unicef2.jpgWith incredible modesty and with the amount of success and fame, Audrey was quite private about her personal life. However, when she spoke about the children she had met that were suffering, she spoke with a passion to bring awareness. True awareness to create action. As a humanitarian and Goodwill Ambassador for UNICEF for the rest of her life, she overcame a hard youth in Nazi-occupied Holland. During this time, Hepburn suffered from malnutrition due to lack of food. Through watching several interviews, you can feel the empathy she has for these children. The understanding, love and kindness.

audreyhepburn120jo8A quote from Unicef.org reads “I can testify to what UNICEF means to children, because I was among those who received food and medical relief right after World War II,” said actress Audrey Hepburn on her appointment as a Goodwill Ambassador in 1989. “I have a long-lasting gratitude and trust for what UNICEF does.” As a result of her work for UNICEF over subsequent years, that gratitude is mutual. Audrey worked in extremely impoverished  communities in Africa, South America and Asia and in 1992 was awarded by George H.W. Bush the Presidential Medal of Freedom for her work.b28d3de1e815eacdc8180841eb05e43fAudrey’s heart in creating awareness and creating change was a dedication she had for the rest of her life. Though she had cancer, she still  continued her work for UNICEF, travelling to Somalia, Kenya, the United Kingdom, Switzerland, France and the United States. This article can never express the amount of kindness from the heart that Audrey had given. A rare natural beauty whose true kindness, generosity, beauty and honesty showed inside and out all through out her life.02_UNI40127

The Perception of True Beauty in a digital world

tumblr_mp97f2iYn61s2flalo1_1280As one can imagine, our generation is undoubtedly the technological era of the internet, growing inventions and new products. Did you ever watch Disney films or any classic animation when you were a child, and felt that it was truly real? Interestingly enough, much of our perceptions of reality comes from our own actions and thought process. What we dream about (hence the song a dream is a wish your heart makes) can no less happen in our reality. One of my biggest fear, is that in the future we will literally be completely reliant and consumed in technology. Unfortunately, we already are in so many ways which can come with its advantages and disadvantages.

We have all heard the words “be realistic”, which is fair enough, in wildly out there thoughts that can harm the person. Technology has created an increase in the emphasis we place upon self image and the way things ‘look’. In some senses this has distorted our perception of true beauty.The truth is, we are all a mystery. It’s important to not be normal, because it only lives up to others expectations, and not our own. After watching both of the Cinderella films (1950 & 2015), the lessons that remains in my head are ones such as kindness is always free, courage will get you through and that everything happens for a reason (never give up on your dreams).

With the evolution of Social Media, our perception of beauty has become more surface leveled than ever before. Although, it is encouraging to see the inspiring quotes on Instagram, it can be somewhat shallow to see the similar postings that put too much emphasis on our skin, rather than our intellect, ideas and inspirations. Similar to my article on how we live in a shallow world, I feel inspired to talk about the topic of our perception of beauty as a society. Sadly, there is not as much emphasis on true beauty being from within, because of the ‘cliche’, ‘shallow’ and ‘negative’ sentences that may be heard after one says, beauty is from within. However, I still want to share the truth, that beauty is from inside – it really is. Having kindness, love and care towards others and ourselves, is the most selfless beauty that there is.

We will always be told how to be and how not to be. But, at the end of the day, we need to live the way that we want to be. The true beautiful things we can see in the world, are very often felt. It’s that feeling of presence and warmth that radiates beauty. It’s incredibly harmful to live by the medias perception of beauty, because it’s a constant lie that blocks out the rest of the world, by narrowing beauty into a sentence or a photo shopped image. It is an edited unreal reality, that has been retouched, reshaped and re-altered. One of the true beauties I think that shines is knowledge and wisdom, as well as the way one holds themselves. We are a generation chasing youth constantly through the inspiration of youthful celebrities that are deemed beautiful. Even so that many of them may be, we forget that they are made up to look a certain way in front of the camera. In that sense, we have already narrowed our perception of beauty if we forget the true beauty of a natural face.

We are a generation that constantly wants to become something we may not be. Whether that is trying to lose weight through extreme measures or changing the way we look because of the way society tells us to look. However, it is much more important to look at it in the sense that our healthy body is keeping us alive. We were born differently the way we are, because we all have something different to bring onto the Earth. The way we look will not make us more happier, if we do not feel happy from within. Like every living thing such as a flower, it can not grow unless it gradually stems from the ground upwards. It cannot grow unless it battles through the wind, storm and sunshine. Too much of the younger generation are looking at role models on the level of popularity and rising fame. This may be a celebrity (singer, model, actor and so forth),that if only  based on their image and the immeasurable things, then it is unrealistic and harmful.

We cannot live with constantly comparing ourselves with others on things and looks. It’s superficial. A role model can be anyone from a friendly neighbour or a teacher that believed in you. We mustn’t keep telling our friends, children and family members that they look too this or too that. There needs to be more emphasis and encouragement on personal characteristics, of being kind, considerate, caring, confident, loving and smart. Beauty is not and never will be something that we should have to attain. It is something that we have from how we act, behave, treat others and express ourselves. It is something that can grow over time, and be shown through our actions.

The simple reminder to have gratitude for the things that keep us moving, motivated to wake up in the morning and keep us alive, are simple reminders I give myself to remember what is truly important. Next time, you feel inclined to tell someone they need to eat more (as I have to confess I am told much too often) or they need to lose weight, please pause before you directly use the words thin and fat. Remember and separate whether you are telling them through the care of their health or simply because you don’t think they should be looking that way. There is a huge difference. Next time you feel the need to post the words Goals, Queen or a long the lines of these words… think about the power of words.

These words that constantly are seen on Social Media can often be shallow, and create a sense of idolization of outer beauty, rather than the persons abilities. The one who acts superior because they think they are better and beautiful than those they believe are inferior, is really, not a beautiful person. The one who is true to themselves and true to others, while doing the best to be the best of themselves, is someone who shows true beauty. It’s difficult to tell ourselves we are beautiful when we stare in the mirror, because of the way society tells us that we are not good enough (hence the billions of money spent on products each year). However, it’s an important reminder that our perception of true beauty, comes from ourselves.

People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light within. -Elizabeth Kubler-Ross