Traditional Love Vs Hookup Culture

la-boum.jpgCall me old fashion, but I truly believe that dating someone should be because you can see yourself marrying the person. If someone is going to play games with you, lead you the wrong direction, not see you in their future or leave you confused, then it’s not really worth it. I’ve never really understood the concept of people who say “I’m not looking for anything serious”, people who sleep around or those who casually date from person to person. I do not believe the ‘getting it out of your system’ way of thinking, that many guys (and girls) have. The one truth is this: no matter how attractive someone is, that is ultimately just the icing on the cake. The main ingredient is their whole personality. Yet, this is often forgotten in our visual world. We live in the generation of instant gratification, but love definitely takes time to grow and grow.

I’m sure many people still feel the same, in terms of having an old fashioned lookout of love. As someone who was in a long distance relationship, I feel that it taught me a lot, in terms of trust, communication, commitment and love. It’s scary to think that divorce is so common compared to the days when it was hugely frowned upon during our parents age. The fault that is often misunderstood is that love shouldn’t be hard work. It’s easy to paint the pictures in films that love is something that makes all the pieces of the puzzle fall together. It ultimately does, but it takes a lot of hard work and positive changes from both sides. I do want to address that I don’t think there is one perfect person for us in the world. I don’t believe in soul mates. But I feel that the hookup culture causes more damage to ones self.

It’s too often that love is summarised into a ‘good time’. This is heavily promoted to the millennials, which builds a superficial idea of love.  Hookup culture only encourages  a shallow kind of love that revolves around sex. It doesn’t touch on intimacy, time to get to know someone and building a healthy connection with love. Similar to my thoughts that you absolutely don’t need to drink or go to the club in order to have fun. I believe in valuing traditional love, in the sense that we don’t sell our heart away to people we hardly know. As someone who comes from a divorced family, I strongly believe that relationships are so important in solidifying a strong connection with someone. I don’t think divorce is normal or healthy, but sadly it has become more common in society today.There are unrealistic expectations of marriage and relationships, that causes relationships to fall apart in our generation.

As a Christian I feel that it’s not morally right to sleep around. Our bodies deserve much more respect than that. More than ever we are exposed to films and music that are about sex. The music on the radio, in the cafe, on the car or at the supermarket. The idea of Happily ever after is part of the issue of having high expectations. Marriage doesn’t mean all the problems in the world will magically disappear. It means trying to work them out together. It means changing each other and yourself for the better. There is a reality that needs to be met in knowing you will go through the roller-coasters of life together. I don’t necessarily believe you have to wait until marriage to have sex, but I do strongly believe that love should be with someone you love not lust.

People are not objects. Emotional connection is the most important part of any relationship. The hookup culture doesn’t address that, it swipes it past. Another part is the access to technology that makes many people feel that there are more people to meet. This encourages cheating. That’s how I really feel, because people compare others and it can also cause people to become more shallow. If you ever looked at a celebrity, and thought the person is one of the most beautiful person you’ve seen, then it comes as a surprise if they have a divorce. That is one example that in the end, personality and our inner self surpasses any kind of physicality.

Traditional dating still exists, but it’s the rise of social media dating that has died down the meaning of traditional love. Many people fear rejection which is why the hookup culture is the easy way to keep it casual without any risk of taking things more seriously. A while ago I wrote about if girls and guys can be just friends. It’s complicated, because it’s something that really depends on each individual, but sometimes one half might develop invisible feelings for the other person. Other times it is a sibling relationship from both sides and the last part is when feelings get in the way. It usually means both sides fall in love with their best friend, which I feel is one of the healthy ways of entering a relationship (by being friends first).

One of the biggest factor of a relationship is Communication. It’s not really a secret, but it’s often forgotten. Through technology, communication can be misconceived. Too many spend time wondering should they text back now or later, and playing around rather than having open conversations. Long distance relationship really taught me the feeling of not worrying or stressing about waiting for your other half to reply, because you understand that you are both living your own lives. Hookup culture encourages a lonely self. Many people are treated more like an option, rather than someone who is important. I believe it leads onto more heartbreak, because you are treating yourself with no opportunity for something real.

Let’s put value in traditional love instead of encouraging and popularising unhealthy relationships and the wrong idea of having a good time. It’s better to give your heart to someone who feels the same.

What are your thoughts on the hookup culture?

art by Yelena Bryksenkova

11 thoughts on “Traditional Love Vs Hookup Culture

  1. Yep. So true. I think I am probably too practical to just hook up with someone. No matter how much of a crush I have, if I know that a relationship with that person will go nowhere serious, I don’t even bother.
    Nowadays, relationships have become more shallow. Based on physical attractiveness and no effort to try to know or understand each other. Which is quite sad. I predict that divorce rates will continue to rise in the future.

  2. I was up at Jo the Tumbleweed’s blog and commenting on one of her posts (How we arrange love!) that talks about their culture on marriage. We are both hopeless romantics as we found out and we still find the traditional love idyllic because it has been passed on from our parents and their parents and has withstood time, even my culture sits on the notion of celebrated courtships and long engagements and ultimately, love that grows old and never gives up.

    1. Thank you so much for your comment :) I really think that’s wonderful that there are many people who value love this way. Yes, Love that grows old and never gives up!

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