There are many different reasons why every person may door slam someone out of their lives. INFJs are known to be very good listeners, have a caring nature and value friendships. As a personality type that tends to want to help people, they may face being vented upon or face toxic friendships a few times during their life. In the past, I would receive regular phone calls from a past friend that would tell me all about her life problems. During university, I had another friend who vented about the dramas in her life upon me. She used me in many ways that I won’t go into detail here. It made me feel extremely negative and I couldn’t tolerate it anymore. I tried to help and give good advice, but very often the advice was not taken.
The many people I ended cutting out of my life are the ones that made me feel negative. These are common examples that the door slam can be a healthy act. I believe the INFJs need to avoid ongoing conflict can often cause this. It can also be a result in bottling up a lot of emotions, and then feeling an explosion that causes us to block the person out of our lives. Most INFJs are incredibly empathetic and thoughtful of others, which can grow tiring to be surrounded by people who are always concerned about their own life. A door slam may also occur when our trust is broken. I remember a friend I felt the ability to share my personal stories with. It ended up that I was spoken behind others, and I felt deeply hurt that I could no longer trust her.
In many cases if an INFJ feels that they have lost trust, are gossiped by a friend, are heavily vented upon and feel their advice and help is not working, they want to escape from the situation. Personally, this is why I am even more selective in who I make friends with. I feel that trust and positive communication is a huge element in a stable long term friendship. There are many situations that do require being upfront and direct if we disagree with someone, which I think is something many of us INFJs are learning to express more of. The truth that I know is that if you are ever surrounded by a friend that talks about other people in front of you, they are more than likely talking about you with others too.
The ability to forgive is extremely important, as well as the ability to recognise if a person is toxic within your life. However, when the INFJ is faced with bad situations repeatedly, forgiving the situation causes us to result with the door slam. If you ever feel that your trust and love is violated then it’s a clear warning sign to remove yourself from the situation. I say this, because many times I let the situation go on for a year, until I door slam. This was very bad for my own emotional and mental health. We need to be free of unceasing conflict and drama in order to thrive within a healthy friendship. Surround yourself with positive people, be more direct (but kind) in your views and don’t ever let someone bring you down.
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