The sky is a blanket of white and a curtain of rain is falling from the sky. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about life. I came home from the doctors this morning and was relieved when she told me about my blood test results. She told me I don’t have anemia and my glucose levels are normal. One of the biggest things to be grateful for is to have good health. My heart has been feeling very heavy these past few months, and I keep praying for the feeling to go away.
When I was thinking about life, I just thought about how much our feelings affect what happens in our everyday. I’m sitting on a pillow on the floor and writing on the coffee table, because it’s where I feel the most comfortable in my little studio. Days whisper by and others linger for a little while longer. But in the end, each day goes by. There is a lot that I am praying for each day, and a part of me wants it to fly to my favourite part of the year.. Christmas. December marks the month where I can see my family. I feel blessed that I have family and close friends who love me for who I am. I believe that true friends are the ones who will tell you when you are wrong, rather than nod along. Someone who really cares about you will be honest with you.
Thinking about my anxiety throughout the years, I’ve come to realise how much it has improved. It used to affect me so badly, that I would cry several times a week, but now I feel more in control. I have my words, my music and my books. I have those who love me and I love them. I have God. Sometimes I forget just how much I have. Isn’t it funny how when we are sad, we can forget every single thing we ever had or every single thing anyone has ever done for us? Yet, there is so much to be grateful for. The fact that I am alive, breathing and healthy is a blessing in itself. That I can walk with two legs, when the man who walked past me the other week, struggled to cross the road and a women past me on her wheel chair.
I’m blessed to be able to see colours and the world around me. The ability to have all my senses and feel the world in all its magic. It’s glorious, yet as soon as a tear falls I forget that. I cover the invisible grey paint on my body and wash myself in the sadness. I forget how to breathe peacefully and let it go like the wind on an Autumn’s day. It’s such sweet sorrow to part with Winter soon, as it is my favourite season. Although, it is time to say hello to the little flowers and say hi to the red ladybirds who come to visit every Spring and Summer. Sad feelings don’t last forever. They come and then they go. And perhaps they might trickle back some other time, but you have much to be grateful for.
All the reasons not to be sad in life right now / 3 layers of warm blankets on a rainy day to keep your head to toes warm / that my succulent is alive and well / having paper to write away my mind and let endless thoughts flow / family and friends / remembering the feeling of a cat lying on my tummy / opportunity is just around the corner / creativity and imagination to keep your world colourful and meaningful / the taste of a banana smoothie / receiving an email from the ones I love / laughing about things that don’t make sense / too many reasons don’t forget!