I’ve been having a somewhat struggle and first world problem, in which I didn’t apply for a writing job. Being the organised self I am, I know I need to somehow make the job hunt my current job. I recently stumbled across a writing opportunity, and realised I ticked off all the points. It was until I realised it was in an open office environment and would be a full time role, I was turned off. I’m sure many of those close to me would say “Katie, go for it!” and as great as that would be. I didn’t. I attached my CV, my information, then ended up removing it.
During the start of the year, I was thinking about whether I needed to go back to counselling. However, I felt I would be alright this time, and I do think so. I have to thank those close to me, praying in my alone time and writing daily for calming me down. Listening to music, reading more books, eating healthy, drinking lots of water and exercising more has also helped in so many ways. Although, I experience that feeling every few days where I feel as if I’m the only one that is feeling like an outsider. I know in my heart that many people are feeling the same. Those walking on the streets outside of my window and those far away on the other side of the world. It will be okay.
The reason I decided not to apply for the job, was from previous experiences of working in offices, and knowing myself that I would feel suffocated talking to people constantly, riding the train every morning and the subtle conflicts that may happen every now and then with certain people. I know my anxiety causes me to have panic attacks and in my past jobs I have had a panic attack in front of the staff members, out of my control and unpredictable. I don’t want to get into this too much, so I will leave it at that.
Nevertheless, I am keeping my hopes high. It’s not the end of the world, and as a 20 year old (with no excuse of being very young anymore), I feel fine and much calmer than I did compared to last year. Life isn’t supposed to be worked out in one go at any age, and I think whatever happens, happens. Sometimes we have to be patient for the good things to come. If we rush too much, we will end up doing something we don’t enjoy or only do it for the money. This week, I have been enjoying reciting a few positive words to myself, each morning and night before I sleep. Some include:
Everything can and will change
There is always something to be grateful for
Anything is Possible
You have lots of strength as a person
The videos I watched this week