It would be wonderful to think that I can pick up the phone when it rings without a care in the world. The truth is, picking up the phone is something that makes me quite anxious. Before I go into depth on when the phone rings, I am quite comfortable talking to those I am close to or am familiar talking to. However, I hope that when I look back on this post in a years time, I would of gotten over my anxiety when the phone rings. It seems like such a small, insignificant thing. Almost laughable. Yet, there are moments where my heart beats a little faster or I wonder what to say. There are moments where I wonder if I need to go into a room alone, or walk around to keep the flow. Then other moments I wonder if I should smile, so that my voice would sound happier.
It does seem strange doesn’t it? This mainly happens when an anonymous phone number is calling me. Could it be a company, a spam caller, an old friend or a wrong number? It also occurs, when I am sitting down, focused on a task. My creativity is on sky high and my mind is buzzing in the moment – but then, unexpectedly the phone rings and suddenly it breaks my train of thought. The peak of my productivity feels as if it has been cut off. This also happens if I’m reading or writing. It may also be due to my sensitive nature, in which most noises seem to resonate much louder in my mind. Then there is the struggle when you pick up the phone and are unable to decipher what someone says. No matter how many times one may say “Pardon, can you please repeat that”.
There have been many times I don’t pick a number I don’t know, because I don’t know who it may be from. There have been other times where I may get a phone call from someone I would rather not talk to. The thing about talking on the phone, is that there is no exit door. The only exit door is the hang up button, and well, for courtesy and manners we simply can’t go straight there. We nod, and make the mm, yes, ah and ok’s. Then, because I think before I speak (but sometimes too much so), there will be a slight pause before I answer. There is also the inability to sense the facial movement and body language of the person on the other side.
I’m the sort of person who will make a huge effort to email, text and even send a snail mail. I can speak smoothly and well within an email, however over the phone, I tend to stumble a little or make too many pauses. Most of the time, I pick up the phone, feeling as if I’m reciting lines in my head. The conversation often seems to go generically (with people I don’t know/well): “Hello”, “Hello”, “How are you today?” “Good thank you, How are you?”, “I’m well thank you…” . There have been moments where an unknown number calls me, and I will google the number. Sometimes it shows a business, a spam caller or someone from a different country.
These days I do my best to pick up calls from people and ignore the mysterious numbers. When they need to, they will email me or leave me a voice mail. A phone call often makes me feel as if I am forced to talk to a stranger I’ve never met. A person I hardly know. If I do pick up on rare occasion, sometimes it’s a kind voice with good news and other times it’s a survey or sales in which I need to politely refuse. I’m sure someday I will get over the feeling.