The Difficulty With Making Friends As An INFJ

7a1531c9f43260c98abcf82845cc61d9As an introvert, let alone an INFJ Introvert, one of the most difficult thing to me is making new friends. If you asked me how I was growing up around people, it would usually be the similar answer “I was quite quiet around people I didn’t know very well, but a lot more open with my family and close ones”. I am quite a private person, and will distance myself to those who I feel disconnected with. However, there have been many cases where I’ve met someone lovely, but something, makes me feel like a treasure chest that can’t quite open now. Not yet. Yet, the main problem that I come by, is talking to people who share the same conversation time and time again – you know the one I’m talking about – the surface leveled, small talk or shallow conversation.

I don’t mind listening to others talk about their own personal lives like an open book. However, in this area, I feel almost intruded in a way when people want to know more about my life. I feel as if I need to know someone for a great deal of time, create the trust and know for sure that this person will be my friend for years to come. Another difficulty was being hurt so often by past people. INFJ are wonderful listeners, and unfortunately this calls for a case for being vented out upon. Listening to others issues endlessly can be very toxic if you surround yourself with negativity.

INFJ’s crave long term relationship that they know will last a long time. They don’t want to waste their time on casual relationships that lead nowhere. This can often make INFJ easily misunderstood. They need much more time alone to reenergise, yet they still feed off that human energy with someone they feel they can share intellectual and intuitive conversations or feel completely comfortable with in silence. I know from many years of high school experiences, that personally I do not like the feeling of even having to try fit in. It didn’t feel true to myself and unfortunately it led to being left out a lot.

Group conversations can often be very difficult, which also comes into social networking. It’s incredibly difficult to share input when I don’t feel comfortable with people I am not close to, however it has been something I’ve had to learn over the years to open up more. Although, most of the time I am still the person that is nodding my head, and doing less of the talking. Let’s face it, us INFJ can often be thought of as very strange and different people and that’s what makes us so special. At the end of the day, INFJ are perfectly happy to have just one or two extremely close friends they can call life friends.

To be nobody but yourself – in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else – means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. –e.e. cummings

Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit. – Aristotle

If you are interested in knowing more, a wonderful article I read by Marissa on How To Be Friends With an INFJ  is a great read that explains it so clearly!

10 thoughts on “The Difficulty With Making Friends As An INFJ

  1. I can recognize myself in this portrait. I never really talk about myself and when I feel bad or sad, even my best friends don’t know. I always feel awkward when I meet new people and it is very stressful for me. It is so difficult growing up like this, when “popular” teens at school look down on you. But well, with time I feel better and even glad to be like this !

    1. I can really relate to this. I think it’s so wonderful to be the way you are. Over time it gets better I’ve found with meeting new people. Thank you for sharing your experience with me :)

  2. Trying to fit in and trying to find friends can be super exhausting and I have often decided just not to try anymore. That’s fine if you already have one or two close relationships but if you are in a new place surrounded by strangers (say you move or change job) you have to push yourself to try to get to know a few of them. It is worth it.

  3. That’s true, when you have a few close friends already, there isn’t a huge need to make more friends. But, when you’re in a new environment, there is a need to make effort to meet people, and as you said it’s worth it in the end!

  4. As an INFJ I also find it difficult to make friends. It’s quite hard opening up to people, even when I want to I just can’t. Because if this I was always castes to the side by people and had to learn to be independent and be ok with being alone and only having my mom as a friend. It’s very interesting to read how someone else has dealt with something similar, the wanting to open up not only having your mom be your friend haha! Thank you for this post it helped me feel less alone <3

  5. Thanks for your comment Taylor! I’m glad this post could help in some way :) There are a very small amount of people in this world I feel I truly open up to, and can be completely myself with, which is something I think many INFJ (and other people) may be able to relate to!

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