Daily Thoughts #3

I arrived back to Auckland from Wellington two nights ago. The weather was beautiful there and everyday there was blue skies and sunshine. I caught a cold before I came back to Auckland and now there is that feeling where you know you need to lie in your bed all day and drink lots of water. I felt the creeping guilt of not practicing flute as I am not sick very often, but when I am it always feels like I have gotten 40 years older and feel somewhat slower than usual.

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These past few days have consisted of a lot of cat naps. I am trying to find the motivation to write, but I’m not entirely sure what to write about. It’s interesting how even going to a different city in the same country can feel so different. The feeling, the people, the smell and even the way people dress. There’s a sense of identity for every place. Wellington has a more relaxed and creative feeling about it. Auckland feels a lot more industrial and city like, which I’m not sure why but I felt even a little homesick from it.

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I have always wondered what it would be like if we could read other people’s minds. I’d rather not, but it would be interesting to do it for a day. We have the ability to control what we say and everything comes from what we think. Sitting here now, I’m feeling like a congested fish tank. That’s a bit of an exaggeration.

When I am sick I always wish there was a little kitten to cuddle and just make you feel better. How could anyone look at a kitten and not feel happy? As I’m sitting in this swaying chair, and trying to breathe through my nose, I am thinking about how everyone on this earth is here to live their lives. It’s amazing what people do to fit in or conform, and it’s also interesting how many people are very judgmental. Personally I have always wondered why people care so much what other people think. I suppose it is a sense of acceptance. Otherwise I also think it’s a waste of time to live in other people.

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My first year of Uni was very interesting and felt like a roller coaster. There was the expected and unexpected. The unexpected is that I did not realise New Zealand had such a drinking culture. It made me also realise how much there is not much to do in Auckland, and I felt that many young people end up drinking a lot because they found this as a way to socialise and “have fun”. Call me old fashion and all, but I personally felt like I didn’t know how to make friends that way.

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I lived at a University Hall in my first year and met many amazing, smart, talented and friendly people. What was the problem? It’s not really a problem. It’s just the fact that we are all so completely different, and as a 16 year old coming into University and leaving home for the first time, I was terribly overwhelmed. Coming from a small town and into the city you realise that everywhere we will always be interacting to people. I don’t know if you ever feel this feeling where when we are out in public, there is sense of a “face”. There is a sense of a persona from every person, because as people we show and express to others what we want them to see. Sometimes I wish it were easier to be completely and fully ourselves to everybody.

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It’s already September? Here I am sitting and the trains are in the background going by. They seem like normal background sounds now, compared to the start of the year when I would always notice them.

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